just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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