for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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