i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
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If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
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So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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