The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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