Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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