Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
