time to smoke my breakfast
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
