he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
