bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
They are going to name an STD after you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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