All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so let's talk penis.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
