the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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