like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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