Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
