What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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