The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
