i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
