I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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