Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
