1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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