a search helicopter?!
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
