omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dicks are not precious.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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