that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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