look no pants
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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