I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My penis needs a shock collar
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
