Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
