You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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