Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
