I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
