Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize