Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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