apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm getting married
To pizza
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
