Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
