I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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