She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
