I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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