hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
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He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
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walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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