He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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