Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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