You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
