I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
we're chasing vodka with high fives
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
