Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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