This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
