no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
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She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
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I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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