So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
