need another drink. this is the easiest way
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
