I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
