I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
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The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
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It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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