You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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