My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
