Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
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My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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