My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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