I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
