hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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