whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
