I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
