I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.