Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
