The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
