he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
